I don't usually post anything too personal as i try tend to keep my issues to myself but lately its got to the point where everything is getting to me and i keep getting extremely emotional. I'd like to put it down to hormones and hopefully its just a passing phase.
I'm hope this is normal.
I briefly mentioned how I was feeling to someone and they casually bought up post natal depression. I'm sure i don't have this. I love my baby more than anything in this world, i don't have any ill thoughts as such. I just feel extremely stressy and angry at everyone else.
A little background information...
I think, as a person i can be a little neurotic. Possibly dabbling with control issues which is why i have to do certain things the way i do or...i get extremely wound up.
My life pre pregnancy was monotonous. I had a routine and it worked for me. I like routines. They bring me the feeling of control and comfort. When every thing goes to plan. I am happy. Not just happy but unexplainably content. When things don't go to plan i usually have a mini breakdown. This actually happened more often than expected due to the 2 dogs being naughty but when they weren't playing up i felt a huge sense of achievement when everything just worked. They were bathed, fresh and clean and they spent the evenings chilling with me and husband in the living room. One problem was that my routine was accustomed to the normal everyday. I.e just us 2 and the dogs. That meant if any family or visitors were to come over the dogs would play up. And this was with out question. It always happened. The 2 mutts would jump all over the place and bark at the door. Then jump over the newly arrived guests. For some reason guests being in the house warranted them to break all normal rules and they'd be all over the furniture...all over the house. Nonetheless that was as stressful as it got...but now, throw a newborn in the mix and all of a sudden its...chaotic.
I have had to separate the dogs into another room as they seem to be out of control at the moment. The millions of visitors here to see the newborn sets the dogs off constantly. I'm sure this is difficult for them too... and it makes me sad thinking that they don't get the attention from me as they had before. I feel like I've majorly failed them. To top it off, husband is not willing to partake in my routine to take care of the dogs the way i did. Hes told me the dogs would have a happier life with other owners who give them 100% of their time and attention. This saddens me a lot. I feel like all my time and effort into bringing them up has been pointless and a huge waste of time. I have failed. And the more i think about it, the more his words seems truer to me. They would be happier with someone else.
And then theres the other bits. I've had every man and his dog practically tell me what i should be and shouldn't be doing for my baby. Is it just me or are the people who are around me too opinionated? Its probably me. They're probably just trying to help. I shouldn't mistake their helpful guidance as unwanted opinions. But its annoying.
I love my baby and as long as he is happy and healthy i don't really want these opinions thrown at me. So what if he cries when hes not being cuddled? I hate seeing him cry. It makes me well up. I don't think I'm a strong enough person to leave him to cry so he "learns to be independent", and if its not unwanted advice about the baby; its unwanted advice about the dogs.
Today, i had a mini breakdown with a family member. Baby was awake at 6am. I changed his nappy and spent an hour on and off feeding him til he stopped fussing and crying. Once he fell asleep i also fell asleep again. I usually stay up from 4/5am baby wake up and do things including making breakfast and sorting the dogs morning routine but not this morning. I was so tired. So when family member came round this morning st around 9/10 am, i hadn't had a chance to get anything to done. I hadn't eaten, my face was a mess. Top was damp from leaky boobs, baby on and off crying. All of a sudden i was accused of neglecting the dogs because their water bowl was empty. Normally by that time, i would have checked on them but with baby, things change. Baby is my priority. Even if that means i don't get to eat. But to be told i wasn't coping and needed help because on the off chance they had no water? I hadn't even been the toilet!! I snapped and started sobbing uncontrollably as baby slept in my arms. I am coping fine. What i can't cope with is the judgemental accusations.
Maybe its hormones making me extremely sensitive and weepy.
Either way, I've had a think after a weepy phone call to husband then nap with baby and Ive come to the conclusion that i need to be stronger and ignore what others have to say. They are not me. They are not living my life and their opinions should not matter or affect me. What i should focus on is looking after baby, running the everyday things in this house and taking care of the dogs as much as i can.
Amy x
